Plays, Screenplays, and Novels: How to Format, Submit, and Control Your Material

Ironically, on Oscar weekend, of all weekends, I attended a local conference on screenwriting and playwriting. Since I've spent the majority of my writing career writing novels, I decided I liked the idea of branching out. In the past I've written a play and I'm currently working on a musical, and of course, who doesn't like the possible idea of turning their novel into a screenplay? It was a one day conference and I walked away having learned a thing or two about the writing world and how each medium has its own hangups and rules when it comes to getting your work published. So, if you're not planning on attending a screenwriting/playwriting conference any time soon, then allow me to share some of my insight.

PLAYS

Aristotle's Poetics

• Formatting Your Manuscript -- Probably the one medium with the fewest rules when it comes to writing. Yes, you need to follow the three part structure with a beginning, middle, and end, but when it comes to putting your dialogue on paper, ignore those formatting sections you find in playwriting books. And keep in mind that once your play is written, get it copyrighted. Unlike when it comes to novels, plays should have a copyright put on them as soon as you've finished them. Also, keep in mind that you'll need to think spatially during the writing process. You're limited to a stage and not just one type of stage. Keep in mind that plays are produced on the lowest of scales with little stage structure, to outdoors productions, to the big Broadway productions.
• Submission -- When it comes to getting your play published, you're going to have to make sure your work has been produced at least once for the stage. Once your play goes to be printed, it will be condensed into a format that makes it impossible for a director and actors to work with, so keep in mind that you might want a restructured format when it comes to submitting it for the stage. Playwriting agents are few and far between and most won't take on a new client until he/she has proven that he/she can produce something successful for the stage. A few of the major play publishers are Samuel French, Inc., Dramatist Play Service, Inc., and Brooklyn Publishers.
• Audience -- When it comes to plays, keep in mind that you're writing mainly for schools and the local playhouses and perhaps local universities and college venues. If you want to get your foot in the door, get involved in your local theaters and especially try to be there when a theater makes play choices. You might be surprised and yours just might get picked!
• Controlling Your Rights -- Playwriting not only has the fewest rules, but it also gives the writer the most control over his/her manuscript. When you submit a contract with your work, make sure to add the Dramatist Guild of America Authors Bill of Rights. In this, it not only states that you retain your rights to your play, but that any changes made to your work by anyone producing it also become your intellectual property. Pretty nice deal, if you ask me.

A Playwright's Resources:  Poetics by Aristotle, The Hero With a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell, The Thirty-Six Dramatic Situations by Georges Polti, Playwriting in Process by Michael Wright, Practical Playwriting by Leroy Clark, Art & Craft of Playwriting by Jeffrey Hatcher, Teach Yourself Writing a Play by Lesley Brown and Ann Gawthorpe, Playwriting for Dummies by Angelo Para.

SCREENPLAYS

The Screenwriter's Bible
by David Trottier

• Formatting Your Manuscript -- Probably the strictest medium when it comes to rules and formatting. As a newbie, you will be able to get away with nil to none when it comes to breaking the rules. If you've never written for the screen before, get yourself a comprehensive guide on following the precise structure and formatting techniques being used in the film world today. Otherwise, your work won't see the light of day, and that's a fact. Again, get your manuscript copyrighted as soon as you've put the final period on the last bit of dialogue. It's not necessarily true that plagiarism abounds in the screenwriting world, but there are plenty of people out there who get sue-happy when it comes to a successful film. Everyone starts believing their idea was stolen!
• Submission -- The film industry is one of the hardest industries in which a writer can get an agent. With the economy tanking a few years ago, Hollywood has reined in on the amount of money being spent on movies, as well as the number of movies getting produced. Because of this, agents have reined in as well when it comes to new screenwriting voices. What they're really looking for is a writer who is tried and true. But there are a few back doors newbies can try and use. First, if you've never heard of imdb.com, then I suggest you check it out. If you purchase the pro version of imdb, you'll have all kinds of access to actor's, director's, and producer's profiles, including the agenting information. Popping off a query to an actor's agent, a producer, or a producer's lawyer could be a possibility of getting your foot in the Hollywood door.
• Audience -- Naturally, this would be any human on the planet willing to shell out $10 to go see your film. But there are ways to check out what's hot and what's not on the silver screen. Getting a subscription to the Daily Variety will provide information on what's showing, what films are making each week at the box office, what's selling to Hollywood, conferences going on around the country, and basically just anything that's going on when it comes to the movies. As a first time screenwriter, start out small, either for television or a lower budget movie idea. You have to prove yourself to be worthy of a big tentpole film before any studio will take on your idea. And keep in mind, in order to make writing for the screen a true career you'll have to eventually live half your life in California.
• Controlling Your Rights -- When your script is polished and ready to go, it's time to send it out. Your next step is to copyright it at The Writer's Guild and then send it along to Hollywood readers who will do a Coverage for it. This basically lets anyone who's interested know what your screenplay is about and if it's worth spending money on to produce. If a studio, producer, or whoever is interested then they will Option your screenplay for the next year. A set amount of money changes hands and he who optioned your work has the next year to try and get the project going. If nothing happens, then the rights to the screenplay return to the writer who can then re-option the screenplay until something either happens or all roads are exhausted. Once your screenplay is sold you no longer retain the rights to it. That screenplay can have the heck rewritten out of it, but the writer has no say (unless he/she is still along for the rewriting ride) in what happens to the story. In the writing world, the writer ends up with the fewest retained rights when it comes to screenplays.

A Screenwriter's Resources:  Websites -- imdb.com, The Writer's Guild, Writers Guild of America, Screen Actors Guild, Directors Guild of America, Daily Variety, Hollywood Script Express, Books --  Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You'll Ever Need by Blake Snyder, The Screenwriter's Bible by Dave Trottier, Screenwriting for Dummies by Laura Schellhardt, Essentials of Screenwriting:  The Art, Craft, and Business of Film and Television Writing by Richard Walter, and The Writers Journey:  Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher E. Vogler.

NOVELS

Jeff Herman's Guide

• Formatting Your Manuscript -- Yes, there are rules to formatting your manuscript, but I'll tell you, they aren't near as strict as when it comes to a screenplay. If you follow the basics -- 1 in. margins, Times New Roman font, double-spaced paragraphs and an overall clean-looking manuscript with few grammatical errors -- then you should be in good shape. Agents basically want to see that the author knows how to follow the simplest of rules and this can be done when it comes to submitting your work for representation.
• Submission -- I know it might not seem like it at times, but all you novelists out there have the easy road to take when it comes to landing an agent. Where plays have to at least have been performed for an agent to show the slightest interest, and more or less all Hollywood agents are closed to new screenwriters, novelists have the advantage. There are books and websites with lists of agents to pick and choose from. I think a novelist would be hard pressed not to find an agent who represents that novelist's chosen genre. Just make sure your query is one page in length, has a couple of paragraphs describing the gist of your story, a short paragraph on the author with any other writing experience listed, and somewhere along the line indicate the genre, word count, and overall target audience. Above all, avoid grammatical mistakes on your query. This is the first impression an agent will get when it comes to your writing, so make it count!
• Audience -- Anyone who reads a book, right? Well, it's not that easy. Know your genre and make sure it's something you want to write. If you force a story on the page in which you take little interest, then it will show. Take time to work on your writing voice, so that when you land that publishing contract your readers will know instantly what your style is all about and will want to continue buying your books. Every genre has a different audience, so above all know the rules to your chosen genre and learn how to write it well.
• Controlling Your Rights -- When it comes to a novel, you will not get it copyrighted before sending queries off to agents. Copyrighting comes later once your book gets published. Copyrighting an unpublished novel is the mark of an amateur and agents and publishers want to work with those who've taken their time to learn the industry and how it works. You do retain the published rights to your work, but keep in mind that once it gets optioned for a screenplay it's a whole different story. 

A Novelist's Resources:  Websites -- QueryTracker.net, Preditors and Editors, Absolute Write Water Cooler, Books -- Jeff Herman's Guide to Book Publisher's, Editors, and Literary Agents by Jeff Herman, Writer's Market by Robert Lee Brewer, The Writers Journey:  Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher E. Vogler, Writing the Breakout Novel by Donald Maass, Plot & Structure by James Scott Bell, and this list could go on and on. The trick is to find what works for you!

Although this is the condensed version of what I learned at the conference, my hope is that in some small way it may help with your journey to getting published, getting your work on the stage, or seeing it flicker on the big screen!

Are you struggling to get your work into any of these markets? If so, do you have any tips, knowledge, or resources you wish to share?

Interview with Western Author Melody Groves

The Divine Secrets of the Writing Sisterhood would like to welcome Western author and SouthWest Writers' president Melody Groves!

New Mexico native Melody Groves has a deep love for anything cowboy and Old West. As a member of New Mexico Gunfighters, she “shoots” sheriffs and outlaws every other Sunday in Albuquerque’s Old Town.

           

Winner of two first-place writing awards, Groves is President of SouthWest Writers and publicity chairman for Western Writers of America. She writes for American Cowboy, True West and New Mexico magazines. Her non-fiction book, Ropes, Reins, and Rawhide: All About Rodeo, is a guide to understanding the sport. Additionally, Hoist a Cold One! Historic Bars of the Southwest, a look at the history and beauty of 26 front and back bars, launched in mid-July.

She is also author of the Colton Family Saga series, Border Ambush, Sonoran Rage, and Arizona War. Recently, her essay about living in New Mexico was published in Voices of New Mexico.

As an author, what drew you to not only become a writer, but specifically the genre of Westerns?

 I’ve always been a writer—I think it’s a passion that comes from within. And specifically the genre of Westerns, it also comes from within. I wrote them kind of in a closet for years until realizing that they’re a valuable, viable part of literature. Since I grew up in southern New Mexico and spent time on horseback and visiting old ghost towns, Westerns are sort of in my blood, so to speak. I feel a definite connection with the past.

Border Ambush
by Melody Groves

When people think of Western novels, they tend to think of writers such as Louis L’Amour and Zane Grey. Do you think their work still properly represents the types of Westerns being published today? Are Western novels as popular today as when authors such as L’Amour and Grey were being published?
L’Amour and Grey’s Westerns are similar and yet different from today’s. All of the Westerns speak to redefining oneself and also the landscape is usually a character. Westerns today aren’t quite as popular as say, in the 1950s, but we’re seeing an increase in readership and sales. I think it’s because people want a good story and are looking for something with moral characters. People would buy them if bookstores would promote them. There’s definitely a need and a market for Westerns.


Why do bookstores shy away from promoting Westerns? Is there something specific about the genre that keeps them from doing so?
It's a nasty spiral. Bookstores don't carry a wide range of Westerns because people don't request them. People don't request them because they don't know about them. I've attended many Western events where we sell a wide range of Westerns, and people are always so very grateful. They say they can't get them anywhere else. And I don't think it's necessarily the genre itself, it's the sales that guide the book sellers. WWA is doing what we can to change people's reading habits. It's frustrating, to say the least.


What was your experience like on the road to getting published?
My experience to getting published was up and down, pretty much like everybody else’s. Once I decided that I really, truly wanted to get published, then I attended workshops, conferences, classes and talked to everybody I could. A ton of rejections later, I got an article published in a magazine, and the rest as they say…is history.


Your novels are published through La Frontera Publishing, a smaller press. Can you give some insight as to what it’s like to work with a smaller press as opposed to having your work published through one of the “Big Six”?
A small press has tons of advantages and disadvantages. The publisher knows you and you know him/her. It’s usually easier to get him on the phone than a larger publisher. They’ll also keep your book in print longer than the Big Six. The down side is: they’re small, which means even more of the marketing burden is on you and if they have a personal crisis (I know one small publisher who had pneumonia and then hip surgery, so was out for almost a year), the work pretty much stops.

A larger press has a staff to handle everything that needs to be done to get a book published. It’s a bit more impersonal, but their books could have a wider distribution range. The down side: if your book doesn’t perform well, it’s taken off the shelf in a matter of months.

Would you recommend a smaller publishing house, or does it depend on the genre and what a writer hopes to accomplish with his/her work?
My recommendation as to whether to go large or small—just go. There’s nothing wrong with small publishers, I like them a lot. The important thing is that if your book is on the shelf, somebody will pick it up and buy it. If your small publisher isn’t doing his job, then try to find another who will. Genre really doesn’t matter.

Ropes, Reins and Rawhide
by Melody Groves

You’ve also written a non-fiction book entitled Ropes, Reins, and Rawhide: All About Rodeo, plus you have another non-fiction book that was recently published about historic bars of the Southwest. Is it more challenging to write non-fiction as opposed to fiction or vice versa? 
Non-fiction or fiction—which is more challenging? Both. Writing is hard work, whether it’s made up or real. In both areas, you’ve got to be accurate with your facts, whether it’s the date of a certain battle or what kind of matches they use.


What type of advice would you give to an aspiring writer of a non-fiction work?
Write about something you love. You’re going to spend thousands of hours with the topic and if you don’t have passion about it, you’re going to end up hating it and probably not doing your best work. Also, pick a topic that will appeal to a wide audience. That’s your best chance of getting published.


What I mean by that is instead of writing about say, hummingbird nests of Albuquerque, make the topic something like “Small birds of the Southwest.” That way, people in Phoenix may buy it, too. After my rodeo book came out, I decided to write a book on Ranch Rodeo. What I discovered was that very few people knew the difference and even fewer knew what one was. I didn’t want to spend my time promoting a book to people who needed to be educated first. So, I abandoned the idea, even though I had a publisher for it!


I’m seeing a wide audience for my bar book, Hoist a Cold One! Historic Bars of the Southwest, which just came out in June. Everyone knows what a bar is and they’re even more interested when I tell them that it’s not about the building, but about the wooden bar itself.

Melody Groves' newest release!

If you could pick out one scene in your writing that proved to be the most challenging, what would it be and what made it so difficult to write?
One of the first scenes I ever wrote in a Western was the most challenging.--a cattle stampede! Why did I think it would be easy? Not only did I have a thousand steers running in various directions, thunder, lightning, rain, dust and cowboys yelling all had to be described. Needing to bring in all the senses: smell, sight, sound, taste, seeing…it was organized chaos. I got through it and then realized I’d forgotten wind. Any time I have a barroom fight or some such, those are tough because there are so many moving parts.

You are the current president of SouthWest Writers, an all-genres writing group in Albuquerque, New Mexico. As the president, what kinds of challenges do you face when it comes to managing a fairly large writing group?

As president of SouthWest Writers, the biggest challenge is providing speakers, classes, workshops and conferences that address the various levels of writing skills our members have. Unlike Western Writers of America where in order to join you must be published in the Western genre, SouthWest Writers accepts anyone who is even vaguely interested in writing. Our members range from those who just like to be around writers, to those who’ve won national awards. Trying to please everybody is tough.

Conferences are a large part of any aspiring writers journey to getting published. In the last year, SWW has not held a writers conference. Can you give a little insight as to what goes into organizing a conference and what happens if for some reason the conference has to be cancelled?  Do you have any alternate suggestions if an aspiring writer is unable to attend a conference due to any number of reasons (i.e. financially unable, time conflict, conference doesn’t offer what writer is looking for, etc.)?

Conferences are extremely important, so in developing one, we look for wide appeal but a specialized topic that many genres can learn something from. To organize one, we need about five dedicated people to select topic, place, date, speakers, etc. The best is to start at least a year out. We’re organizing a February 2012 conference on screen and script writing, which at first blush sounds like it’s a limiting topic. But from my own personal experience, I know that two classes on screenwriting I took drastically improved my dialogue and understanding of structure in my fiction. This conference will offer something for everyone.

This year we had a perfect storm for not being able to put together a conference or two for SouthWest Writers. In a span of five months, I had two conference coordinators quit, even though the conferences were in the works. The executive board and I sat down and did some hard, cold number crunching. We decided that no matter what, we’d lose money and we didn’t have enough time to put on the quality of conference we wanted. Canceling it was one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make.

There is no good substitute for conferences, but the next best thing would be to read on line about the various writing topics. With today’s online blogs and websites, writers can pick up a lot of helpful tips. But my recommendation: save your pennies and locate a conference that you’re interested in and go!

 

According to your website, http://www.melodygroves.com, you make several appearances throughout the year for book signings and conventions such as Western Writers of America. When it comes to publicity and marketing your work, how important are these scheduled events to your career?

Publicity and marketing—hugely important. Scheduled events such as signings and presentations have several benefits. First, you meet people who are unfamiliar with your work. Now, they know your name. Second, you become more and more comfortable speaking about your work and talking to strangers. Third, you get to meet some amazing people.

When I attend Western Writers of America conventions, not only do I get to renew my friendship with writers across the US, but meet editors and agents who become not only friends but critical elements in my career. I look at it this way: I can write all I want to, but if I want someone to read it, I need to get out in public. Thankfully, I’m no longer shy.

On your website you also list that you are a gunfighter re-enactor. You play “Mad Mel” and you “know what it feels like to shoot a sheriff.” This sounds like it would be so much fun. Does doing something like this allow for you to feel, in some small way, what the characters in your book would be going through? How important is re-enacting when it comes to your writing? 

 Believe it or not, my Old West gunfighting re-enacting is vital to my writing. While it’s a ton of fun, and we do use blanks, I learn something new every show that I can put in my writing. I’ve stood toe to toe with sheriffs and outlaws, shooting at them, they shooting at me. And while the bullets aren’t real, the adrenaline is. It’s scary to stand facing someone with a gun.

And I know what it feels like to hit the ground after being “shot.” It hurts, unless it’s on grass.

A couple of years ago, my group was in Tombstone playing at the OK Corral. I was Morgan Earp, so I was lined up on one side with my “brothers” and Doc. On the other side stood the McLowry’s and Clanton boys. Two things happened that I’ve used in my writing. Doc’s shotgun had a hair trigger—it went off before the cue was given. We all started shooting, ducking, dying earlier than we’d rehearsed. Secondly, there was so much dust from our boots and smoke from our guns that I couldn’t see across the corral. I knew they were there, but I couldn’t see my target. That was the way it really happened. Spontaneous and smokey.   

If you could give two words of advice to any writer out there trying to break into the publishing world, what would those two words be? 

Keep Writing. Pure and simple. You won’t get any better or published by not writing.

My mantra, especially when I’m discouraged: “Never Give Up. Never surrender.”  Thank you “Galaxy Quest” movie. 

And thank you, Melody Groves, for your wonderful insight into the world of Western writing!

Feel free to visit her website at http://www.melodygroves.com.

Agents Don’t Bite: How to Maximize Your Experience at a Writers Conference

To novice writers, agents are mythical creatures that live in a distant paradise of tall skyscrapers, café lattes and furry boots; a wonderland where dreams come true and books get published: New York City.

Fortunately, we don’t all have to travel to the Big Apple to meet them. Nowadays, they come to our distant locations with regularity, displaying their charm and wisdom on panels filled with top industry professionals. Nothing could be more intimidating, yet exhilarating for the novice writer. (I know a writer who was unable to perform a bodily function just knowing that the agent of her dreams was in the adjacent bathroom stall.*)

Opportunities like this simply don’t come by every day (they’re not cheap, either.) So we’d better make the best of them. But how do we do this? How do we overcome the fear of sounding like stuttering fools with the eloquence of an orangutan? How do we grab their interest and get those five little words that are the object of our obsession and prayers: “Please send me your manuscript”?

After attending six conferences in the last few years, I can tell you that speaking to agents and editors does get easier with time. At first the idea of sitting down and talking to a real-life agent or editor in a one-on-one scenario is as appealing as chewing on a shoe sole. You would rather sit in the back row, as far away from their prying eyes as possible, and listen—memorize—every single word. You take so many notes you could write a book, you analyze every gesture, every scoff and giggle, all along fearing and dreading the moment when you will sit across the desk with this person for your pitch session.


Then, during a lecture you've been halfway listening to, you look at your watch (you did it ten seconds ago) and you realize you must face the two-headed beast (no offense to agents/editors, I know some of them are very cute.) Along the way, you forget everything you were going to say, and the novel that you’ve been slaving over for months (or even years) becomes a blur in your mind.

You introduce yourself to the agent/editor, offer your cold, sweaty hand and remove your notes. Here comes the worst mistake of the novice conference-goer:

You read your notes.

I have to admit that in my first encounter with an editor I did this, but she was so kind and understanding that she listened (and even requested a partial.) However, in my second conference, the agent was not so patient. The minute I removed my index cards, now typed and organized with numbers, the agent started darting questions in my direction. Every time my eyes lowered to read my notes, the agent would assault me with another question. In the end, I set them aside and listened—she had a lot to say. Another partial request followed (out of pity, I think.)

What is the problem with reading? You may ask. Well, I don’t know about you, but when I read, I’m not really thinking about what I’m reading, especially when I’m nervous. The problem is that unless we are trained in reading for say, an audio book or a performance, we read in a very monotone, rapid fashion, with our cheeks burning and sweat building in copious amounts under our armpits.

After these two experiences, I concluded that I shouldn’t be reading. And I came up with a better idea: I was going to memorize my pitch.

As it turns out, when you memorize you don’t think much, either. Even worse, if you lose your train of thought, by say, the agent/editor asking a question (how dare they?!), it becomes extremely difficult to resume your flawless pitch with the fluency you had when you practiced in front of your spouse (or cat, or canary, whichever applies.)

You may have also heard about the X meets Y pitch. Well, I heard about it too. Twenty minutes before my pitch session, when an editor grabbed the microphone during the panel and announced that all she wanted to hear was a clever comparison of your novel with two blockbusters (from the last ten years) in a combination that sounded so appealing and complete that the editor in question could already picture your novel in the book shelf. “And then you shut up and listen,” she concluded.

Needless to say, the next few minutes turned into a nervous explosion of writers trying to come up with appropriates X and Ys to describe their books, and attempting to help each other out without any knowledge whatsoever of each other’s plots.

I didn’t get a request during that conference.

Conclusion? I was going to have to actually talk about my novel.

And this, my friends, was the best idea I ever had. I know it’s nerve-wracking to imagine sitting in front of a stranger who holds the key to your dreams. What if you forget? What if your mind goes blank? Well, I’m living proof that these things won’t happen. After all, you’ve only obsessed with your novel for one, two, five or even ten years, right?

So that is the key, it’s that simple. Talk about your novel as though you were telling your best friend about it. Just keep in mind there are some very important facts you must tell the agent/editor:

1. Title
2. Genre
3. Setting
4. Word count
5. Who is the protagonist and what is his/her goal?
6. What is the main conflict in the story?

Another thing that helps is to mention any recurring themes throughout the novel, if you have any. (For example: the world of wine, music, dance, photography, etc.) Also, if you’re pitching a Women’s Fiction novel, do mention if there is a love interest. I know this was a big hit with the agents I pitched to.

After I implemented this new “pitch philosophy,” I got one partial (from an agent) and two full requests (one from an agent and another from an editor) in ONE single conference.

Mission accomplished!

A few random things to keep in mind (you’ve probably read this just about EVERYWHERE, but I saw it done WITH MY OWN EYES) and this wouldn’t feel like a complete guide if I didn’t mention this very important rule:

• DO NOT harass/approach an agent with a story idea IN THE BATHROOM.

But:

• DO approach them during lunch.
• DO talk to other agents/editors that interest you even if you don’t have a pitch scheduled with them. In my experience, they are very open to listening.
• Try to sit at the table of an agent that interests you but you don’t have an appointment with (even if it means pushing all the other writers out of the way—forgive me, colleagues.)

One last thing: enjoy yourself. Don’t simply obsess with agents and editors. You may meet wonderful people in the business that may enrich your lives in many other ways. I met a good friend of mine at a conference, the lovely Aurora. So keep your eyes open for other writers.

And now, let’s hear about you—have you had good or bad experience at conferences? Which approach has worked best for you? Does the idea of meeting an agent in person give you nightmares?

*names have been omitted to protect the innocent.

** Correction: the writer with “bathroom stage fright” has recently clarified that said agent was not really “the agent of her dreams.”

Are You Getting Your Money's Worth At That Writers' Conference?

You better save big if
you want to attend
Conference X!

A couple of posts back, I wrote how I have an aversion to writers' conferences. And for good reason. A little over a year ago, I attended my last conference. It was one of those big splashy ones, where they promote the idea of getting on the right track and getting published. I'd qualified as a finalist in the annual contest, so, I thought, now's my big chance! There had to be an agent there who would definitely take me on. Here is a breakdown of my three and a half day journey at what I will refer to as Conference X.

• Day One -- Arrive at airport, find my lost luggage, track down shuttle to hotel, check into said hotel. Slightly disappointed because, considering the price I'm paying for the room, one would imagine some updated technology, such as Wi-Fi and a flat screen TV. Perhaps the inside of said hotel room shouldn't look like a Motel 6? The conference is being held in the same hotel and they pushed the idea of 'discounted' room rates.
• Day One, 2:00 P.M. -- Conference X begins. I learn how to choose sessions that are right for me, and since I don't write nonfiction, nor do I need to start a writing group, I skip the first session and don't attend one until 4:00 P.M., which involves pitching to agents and editors. Although I learn about the Elevator Pitch, the room is packed to suffocation. There has to be a fire code being broken, here, especially since I'm stuffed into the window sill in the back of the room. I can barely see the bobbing head of the guest speaker.
• Day One, 5:30 P.M. -- Evening Break. I'm starving, and since there is only a dessert reception at 8:00 P.M., I head back to my room and order in a $20 hamburger and water.
• Day One, 8:00 P.M. -- The evening's keynote speaker. He talks for about ten minutes and then tells the aspiring writers in the room to go to the bookstore next door where he'll be doing a book signing. Stunned silence falls on the room when he leaves the podium as we all think, "What the heck was that?" What the heck was that?
• Day Two -- I get my continental breakfast with all the other early-riser writers. I meet a few of them and chat while waiting for the morning session to start. At 8:00 A.M. it's Conference X's annual business meeting and I sit in. But what good is this doing me since I don't even live in the state? So I chat for a while with an aspiring YA writer.
• Day Two -- Agent dos and don'ts session. They basically knock down the self-published a notch or two and then proceed to regale the crowd with stories about the wildest queries and proposals they've received. Oh, and they let us know who pays for lunch when they get wined and dined by editors. That's about it.
• Day Two -- Agent and Editor Forums -- There are about thirty agents/editors in all and I learn what each one represents. Only one truly represents what I write, so I'm basically up a creek. Except for one, all editors inform the aspiring writers that they don't take on new writers unless represented by an agent. That's about 99.9% of the group. "Why are the editors here, then?" one guy boldly asks. No one on the panel has an answer to that one. Seriously, no one.
• Day Two, 2:30-6:00 P.M. -- Afternoon sessions. I pick one on the Romance genre (I don't write Romance, but nothing else looked overly helpful) where I learn every sub-genre of Romance and that Romance is hard to break into. Couldn't I have just Google-searched that one? During my session on screenwriting (which, in a roundabout way, informs all attendees that you have to live in California to even think about screenwriting), I have my agent meeting. I wait with about fifteen other hopefuls in what I call the 'Cattle Call' area. We are called in for our ten minute sessions. I sit in front of my agent who, from reading her bio earlier, has little to no interest in representing my genre. Her glassy eyes, frantic bounce to her knee, and unprovoked lack of interest annoys the heck out of me. After a couple of questions, I get, "Here's my email. Send me twenty pages." I'm ecstatic until I compare notes with other Conference X attendees. Every agent in there asks for twenty pages.
• Day Two, 7:00 P.M. -- Another keynote speaker. Another shameless plug for the roomful of aspiring writers to buy his book.
• Day Three -- After another continental breakfast, I head over to a session on effective historical research. Yeah, this is my kind of thing! It was interesting, but I only walked away having learned one new thing while a majority of the time the group spent arguing over the use of proper slang. Hmm . . . My second session deals with writing sex scenes. I could use a little help in that area. During this time I have my editor meeting, which ends up consisting of me and five other individuals all pitching in a roundtable-type format. Every one of us writes a different genre and our editor focuses primarily on Romance. It's a bust all around. Unlike with my agent, the editor never replied to my query.
• Day Three -- Afternoon sessions. I vaguely remember these because I couldn't stop thinking about those query letters I needed to write when I got back home. I know that one dealt with writing the perfect pitch. That's nice, since I've already met with my agent and editor.
• Day Three, 6:30 P.M. -- The awards ceremony. I'm pumped! The finalists get to eat first, there's wine at every table, we sit with the other finalists in our categories (although half of our table doesn't show), what could be better? I don't place in the top three. I straggle off to my hotel room and tearfully call my husband. After all, this was the whole reason why I came.
• Day Four -- I have a plane to catch, but decide to sit in on the winners' readings. Very enlightening. There is some good stuff out there. I'm still sulking a bit, but in all I'm enjoying the stories. By pure luck, I snag a few precious minutes with a departing agent. She quickly tells me to query her and she'll go from there. I catch my plane and fly home.

You might be asking, what exactly did I get out of all of this? Well, for one, I became highly disenchanted by the supposed 'glamour' surrounding the writing world. Let's not fool ourselves. Those who make it outrageously big in the writing world are just a small raindrop in the mighty ocean. I struggled to connect with many of the writers around me, mainly because they seemed clueless when it came to the writing industry. One man sitting next to me even told me he'd lost his job and was only writing a novel to 'make the big bucks.' What? And nobody at the conference seemed about to dispel that myth to attendees. I spent close to $2,000 (flight, hotel, conference, etc.) to attend Conference X, but when I got into the thick of things, it was easy to see that they were in it to make a buck. I would never have spent that kind of money if I hadn't expected to, at least -- at the very least -- walk away with something worth my two grand. I expected the agents and editors to show a glimmer of interest, if not in my work, then at least in someones, but they were too busy dodging conference goers as if we carried the plague. At times, some of them were short with writers, as if how dare we approach them outside the allotted agent one-on-one times. Don't get me wrong. Agents and editors are only doing their jobs, just like anyone else, but if Conference X is any representation of the pool the majority of them come from, then why do they waste their time attending conferences in the first place? Do they receive free lodgings and food that, in the end, I suppose I'm paying for with that $600-$700 conference price tag? I'm not sure, but I don't really see the motivation behind most agents attending conferences, and even less so for editors.

Just out of curiosity, I checked back at the prices for Conference X this year. If you pay day of, at the door for the three and a half days, it's almost $800. Last year, when I attended, it was reported that sixty people paid the premium day-of price. If the same holds true this time around, that's a whopping $48,000 that Conference X is bringing in on just one day. Kind of makes you think, doesn't it? Especially when over 300 aspiring writers attend this specific conference. On top of that, they collect annual membership fees, contest entry fees, class fees, etc. Why, in a world where so many people are scraping together money just to make mortgage payments, and in an industry that considers reading fees to be scams, are these high conference fees allowed?

Here's my advice:

• If you want to attend a conference, first, do your research. If your work is ready to pitch, and I mean really ready to pitch, then find an agent who will really work for you. If you get stuck with an agent/editor who doesn't even represent your genre (and soooo many conferences do this) then either back out of the conference or insist on who you have in mind. Anymore, I honestly believe the only thing I'm paying for when it comes to a conference is that meeting with an agent or editor. I've heard enough keynote spiels to last me a lifetime. So, you should ask yourself, "Do I really want to pay to meet that agent?"After all, what is the point of one-on-ones since most agents don't take you seriously until they see how you write your query? Some agents will actually say that to you straight up.

• If your state/community has a good writing organization, join it. The local conferences where I live feature the exact same speakers that speak on a monthly basis at my local writing meetings. There is no reason to pay an almost $200 price tag to listen to someone I've either heard speak or has nothing new to add to what I write. I pay my $60 membership fee and I'm good for the whole year. It's the gift that keeps on giving all year long!

• Many of these local writing groups offer specialized classes. They can be hit or miss depending on the class, but if you're really struggling with a roadblock in your writing, keep an eye out for one that would be helpful. I did, and it turned out great for the struggles in which I'd found myself.

• Be careful when it comes to joining a national writing group or one located in a different state. Although enticing, what good will it do you if you can never attend a meeting? If there is a local branch, like with RWA or SCWBI, then by all means, join. But please attend the meetings. Otherwise it's kind of like getting a membership to a big box store. After a while you stop shopping there because who needs twenty pounds of spaghetti? If they don't have what you need, then don't join. If you do, put your membership to good use.

• Have an active critique group to add to that writing group. I don't think I can stress this one more. No, I don't mean your sister, mother, husband, or attentive dog. You need to have writers, others like you actively writing and querying in the writing world. People who aren't so close to you that all they say is, "Nice story. I like it." Your group should be comfortable with what you write, open to suggestions, and easy to relate to. If you find yourself pulling teeth just to get your work read or to get a point across, then find another one.

• Know your genre inside and out. Only you know what kind of agent you're looking for. Don't be caught flapping in the breeze when it comes to a one-on-one with an agent or editor.

Here's my question to all of you, dear readers:  Are conferences really worth your time and money? Why or why not?

♥ Mary Mary

P.S. If you're interested in a different view concerning conferences, then be sure to read Sister Lorena's post next week!

❅  ❄  ❅  ❄  ❅  ❄  

To all our friends, family, and followers:

HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A FANTASTIC NEW YEAR!